What do we do now?
It’s been almost two months since we finished the shoot and left Kenya and I have to say the experience of shooting in the slum has definitely stayed with me. Its as if my brain has been tilted off its axis and my view of the world now seems strangely unfamiliar. It’s an odd paradox of emotions. At times I am happy and feel enriched about our time in Nairobi but I also feel disconnected and, occasionally, very cynical about the world. I know that Diego feels this way at times too. My mind wanders and I often think about that amazing and intense month in Lenana. I wonder how all the kids are getting on? How is Daniel, the little boy that grew so attached to me, doing? How is Elvis, our little mate and mascot, getting on?
One of things I’ve realised in the past few weeks is the unbelievable and undeniable access a camera gives you to people’s lives. This is the real power of a camera. If we were just visitors or volunteers we would not have gained the understanding of life in the slum that we did. Their lives, struggles and triumphs are now part of us. It’s not sympathy or pity rather its empathy. As much as we can, we now understand their lives and it has made us all sensitive to what happens to them. But I’m not sure what to do with this and I don’t, yet, understand how it fits into my life.
In a way its stopped me from really getting into the post-production of this project. We have to finish the film but I’ve struggled to find the inspiration and really get stuck in. I need to watch my footage and start putting my story together but when I do my mind takes me somewhere else. I lose focus and nothing gets done. Also I think the orgainising of getting us there and the actual shoot was almost overwhelming that it has left me a bit tired. I’m tired of planning, organising and asking for money.
How do I get through it? Fortunately Diego and Christian are still very much involved and hard at work at getting this film done. But what I really need is someone to kick me in the ass and give me deadlines. The problem for this project is that I’m my own boss and I have to kick my own ass. I know that no matter what we will get this film finished and I am starting to knuckle down but if there are any volunteers to give me a good kicking let me know ; )
So that’s it for now. Wish us luck and we’ll keep you updated.